Looking down

So, my best friend got engaged. I’m really happy for her, but it left me with a sense of…emptiness. Everyone I know is getting married and having babies. I feel like I’m stuck. Like I’m forever in an eternal loop of wake up, work, eat, sleep, wake up, work, eat, sleep, wake up, work….you get the picture. Nothing exciting happens to me. Ever. So Melissa got engaged. Lucky her. I went over to see her and her new ring at her New Year’s party. I skipped the hug she tried to give me and grabbed her left hand. When I did, I couldn’t breathe. I felt like someone had punched me. It was my ring. Well, not literally, but it was the exact ring I’ve always dreamed about and hoped for. In that moment, the world seemed entirely unfair. Why shouldn’t I get the ring and the guy and the life that makes everyone else so happy? And then it hit me. I’ll never get that. I’ll never have the guy that dreams of nothing but marrying me or the perfect ring that glitters in the light and everyone is jealous of or even the bills and worries everyone else gets the chance to have. Because I’m stuck. It seems like everyone’s path is a straight, flat path, all leading to marriage and happiness and everything they want. Me? I’m in a hamster wheel. No path, no street signs, just me and a wheel and I keep watchin the same things pass me by time and time again. I feel like I've done everything I'm going to do in life and that now...I'm just stuck in limbo between High School graduation and real life. I'm stuck watching life pass by my hamster cage. Watching the same things fly past me again and again and again and again and again.....................