Flash Backs

So recently I've been having flash backs. You know, like in the movies? Well, six months ago when I was living in the College Terrace apartments in Orem. Run down, inexpensive apartments that I got by on, but definitely not a place to call home. At least, until my best friend moved in to the building next to mine. It was awesome because he was just a few feet away. Our windows even faced each other, though his was much lower than mine, and since moving out for the first time can be scary, it was comforting just to know he was near. We spent our days, when we weren’t working, renting movies from the redbox across the street or walking over to WalMart for groceries and snacks…or both. Of course, those were the days I wasn’t watching him play BioShock on his Xbox. You know, I’m really not into video games much, but BioShock was like watching one long, amazingly captivating movie. Even had an awesome plot twist at the end to rival those of Fight Club or The Prestige. Anyway, the summer quickly came to an end, and so did Lonny’s job. In addition to horrible management and crappy living conditions, the rent jumped another hundred dollars come fall, so Lonny and I both grudgingly dragged ourselves out of freedom and back into the arms of captivity. In simple terms, I moved home. Haha. The summer moved out was wonderful, and coming back to my parents house felt…and feels a little like suffocating. The upside? (Which, inevitably there has to be one) No rent, food is home cooked and paid for, and I get to be close to my family. Which, the majority of the time, is an upside, but can also fall into the downside category. Speaking of my brothers, Nathan, age 13, just got out of surgery today and for anyone who cares to know, he’s doing really well and we hope for the best. Also, Josh, 17, has become one of my best friends. I just wish other people could see the boy I see when I look at him. He’s deep, he’s smart, he’s funny, and he writes amazing poetry. He’s like me. Poetic and lonely. Well, not so lonely anymore. He seems to be quite popular these days. Anyway, dealing with my parents has been harder than I wanted it to be. I tried to make sure there would never be any conflict between us, but there always seems to be something. Something more to yell at, something to be angry about. I'm thinking that has a lot to do with my attitude, but I am an adult now. I guess I just think I should be able to make my own choices. Another downside to living under their roof...their roof, their rules. I just wish I could just be better. A better daughter, a better sister, a better friend. Just better. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to let you down, whoever you are. I try.