The lies hope tells

Ever since high school ended, I feel like I’ve been losing friend after friend. They moved on. I seem to be stuck. I can’t help it, I’ve always been a firm believer in everlasting friendships. I was kidding myself. No one stays friends after high school. That end-of-school-day bell rang for the final time and suddenly, all the people I called friend turned and ran. I was left in a dust of disappointment and broken fairy tales. People always said, be prepared (I just had a Lion King moment), that every friendship is doomed to end with the last tones of the school bell, but I didn’t listen. I knew, i just KNEW that my friendships would be the ones to survive forever. That I would marry my high school sweetheart, live next door to my best friend, and have play dates with all my friends’ kids and mine. Ah, the lies hope tells. In high school, I had a very tight knit group of friends. The posse. Me, Mel, Cori, Wendy, Aly, Ryan, Curtis, Cory, Dan, and Lindsay. Then I had Robert, Danny, Okin, Courtney, and various boyfriends on and off. Now I have………..an extra long ellipsis. I know I have Lonny, and he’s wonderful, but he lives in West Jordan and that’s way too far to see each other often. Also, he doesn’t do well with emotions, and sometimes I need someone to listen and care when I’m sad or upset. That’s just not something he can do for me. That’s okay…I just wish I had someone. The closest relationships I have to real friends are Mel, who is my friend only when convenient, Mel’s dad Todd, who acts as my personal counselor and second daddy, and Dave and Shane, who are default friends. You know, my friend by default because I happen to be dating their good friend, but the instant Lonny and I broke up, neither of them would ever speak to me again. Not exactly anyone I can rely on to help me. But I need help.